only now is real

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It’s scarily comforting

That nothing else 

Not the past nor the future

Is even reality

Just the now

The hum under my feet

As I zoom under ground 

The breath in my chest

The bass in my ears

This is the realness

No worry

No care that I have 

Matters now

Because now all I can do is sit here

And breathe and type and listen and watch

There so much going on at every moment

And yet all I’ve wanted to do is tune it out

Turn it off 

Muffle the noise and sleep

Peacefully

Without dreams of robot overlords 

Or petty ladder climbing sheep

The only stillness I find

Is in my own heartbeat 

In the sureness that one more is coming and then another until the end.

Only now is real and thank goodness

Even the past isn’t real to me

They aren’t my memories

It’s like they happened to another person

How could that person be me?

Are you done punishing yourself for someone else mistakes? 

Are you done punishing yourself for what you don’t even remember? 

Are you done yet?

Are you tired yet?

Don’t let what you don’t remember

Who you used to be

Ruin your now

Because only now is real