choke

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I thought I saw the back of you

Tonight - 40th and Broadway.

A lone figure sitting at a table possibly

Kobeyaki’s last customer of the night

It’s 5:50pm

we both know that’s your lunch spot

But you probably eat dinner there too.

Variety was never your thing.

What would I have said if you had turned around.

recognition in a sea of strangers

Probably nothing

Since silence holds more power with you

Than any words I ever could have said

My words glanced off you like water on a shiny slick leaf

Being here day after day

Is like reopening wounds

That never really truly healed

Of a boy who couldn’t speak

And of what got lost in the middle

Of me trying to translate

Bile and spit and blood


Constantly clearing my throat

Trying to get all the taste of you

Out of my mouth

Wash you off my hands

And body

Scrub my skin til it turns pink and tender

Make sure I get it all off

Leave no trace of this

Fingerprint scan

This photocopy

This pixelated download

Kind Of a relationship

Ink stains my hands

But you don’t have my heart

Anymore

You gave it back to me like you were returning

A gift

That you stole

While I wasn’t looking

Or was blinded by your shifting eyes and hands

Juggling reality and authenticity with lies by omission

It’s not like I don’t miss you

Fingers grazing on skin

Running through hair

Moments shared

Loneliness stamped out

Just wisps though

Ether in a bottle

Smoke and mirrors

Because you’ve got something stuck

In your throat

And when I stop to look down it as you choke and gasp for air I realize

What’s stuck in your

Throat

Is your heart

So I said goodbye

and

shoved it back down where it belongs.