: so here it goes. 

It's so easy to forget how it was before. 

but then she reminds me. 

its something in her look. 

the way she used to worry about me. 

and how she still does, but maybe in shorter bursts. 

i hope so anyway. 


i'm slowly learning to let go

it feels like  

emotional hoarding 

like clinging to empty bottles  

though I've been sober 600 days or more


to quote ani-

and they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics even if they're dry as my lips for years. Even if you're stranded on a small desert island with no place in 2000 miles to buy beer.


and I know that she's right but it also hurts

to know this is something that can't be won

not everything is win or lose

right or wrong  

black and white  

most are shades of pale yellow and bright blue.  


Ever flickering desires   

change is constant

but so am I. 

learning to evolve. 


letting go of the crysalis 

and taking flight.