this thing.

this thing

That were trying to 

Not “make a thing”

And be cool about 

And easy and 

Open 

Is just the opposite

Now it’s a mind game

A game i cannot win

confusing texts

empty responses

those fucking grey dots

Is there anything worse 

than never getting a reply?

maybe some of the replies.

swipe and swipe looking for 

What?

something you don’t want to really 

be anything

Real

Anyway

Just someone to call when you’re lonely

When it all feels a little too fake and much

And you’ve spent too much time on Instagram and watching reality tv

This non reality in our phones has made us question the realities of our hearts.

We want to order relationships

Like they’re pizzas 

With compostable boxes preferably vegan cheese

Can you add a side of commitment issues and Peter Pan syndrome to that? 

Thanks!

Never growing up means

Never evolving 

Never growing at all

Arrested development 

Soaked in cheap beer and texts that say

hey, you up?

At hours when you definitely shouldn’t be.

It’s not that I’m being unrealistic

I don’t want Prince Charming

He kisses without asking

He assumes  

That I’m desperate for help

I cannot do this alone

When the truth is 

I can

I would just prefer to 

Share

All of it.

The dark and the light

The parts that you never talk about and the ones you want to blast into the ether. 

I don’t wanna just get to know you.

I wanna meet your ego and your intuition

Become friends with your laugh lines

Memorize your mutters and sighs

I wanna know what keeps your heart beating

What makes you light up like a kid 

I want it to be real

Real life

Real reality

I want to take care of you when you’re gross and sick

And make you pancakes on Sunday mornings

i’ll hold your hand and sob with you when we lose our parents and friends and fur babies

i’ll struggle and survive with you

all you gotta do is arrive.

cuz theres gonna be good times and bad times and elections and

You’ve gotta be someone whose

Confident enough to wear costumes

But mostly just be happy and comfortable and down to earth and denim clad

And lookin really good in a suit when you decide to wear one.

I want you to be yourself.

Your whole self - no holding back.

no instagram filters.

But you are. 

you really are.

So be real

for a minute

this thing

that’s not a thing

Is confusing

Is consuming

Has been up to you - til now

And I’m cool 

But I’m not settling for 

easy

Not settling for a

halfway

part time

casual kinda love

which is what

This.

Thing.

Was.