choke
I thought I saw the back of you
Tonight - 40th and Broadway.
A lone figure sitting at a table possibly
Kobeyaki’s last customer of the night
It’s 5:50pm
we both know that’s your lunch spot
But you probably eat dinner there too.
Variety was never your thing.
What would I have said if you had turned around.
recognition in a sea of strangers
Probably nothing
Since silence holds more power with you
Than any words I ever could have said
My words glanced off you like water on a shiny slick leaf
Being here day after day
Is like reopening wounds
That never really truly healed
Of a boy who couldn’t speak
And of what got lost in the middle
Of me trying to translate
Bile and spit and blood
Constantly clearing my throat
Trying to get all the taste of you
Out of my mouth
Wash you off my hands
And body
Scrub my skin til it turns pink and tender
Make sure I get it all off
Leave no trace of this
Fingerprint scan
This photocopy
This pixelated download
Kind Of a relationship
Ink stains my hands
But you don’t have my heart
Anymore
You gave it back to me like you were returning
A gift
That you stole
While I wasn’t looking
Or was blinded by your shifting eyes and hands
Juggling reality and authenticity with lies by omission
It’s not like I don’t miss you
Fingers grazing on skin
Running through hair
Moments shared
Loneliness stamped out
Just wisps though
Ether in a bottle
Smoke and mirrors
Because you’ve got something stuck
In your throat
And when I stop to look down it as you choke and gasp for air I realize
What’s stuck in your
Throat
Is your heart
So I said goodbye
and
shoved it back down where it belongs.